Dope on a Rope

I thoroughly enjoy being be married. My wife and I are truly best friends. We have a great open line of communication. We do not always agree, but we have come to a point in our marriage that we understand compromise, yet we have not lost our individuality either. Our relationship is great, but we have not always acted in intelligently. So to borrow a line from Jeff Foxworthy, “You must be a redneck if…”

For example, we had been married for a few years. My brother-in-law lived down the road from us about a quarter of a mile. His lawn mower was not working, so when I finished mowing our yard, I was supposed to take our riding mower to him. Well, I had no ramps, etc, to load it into my Mazda truck. So my bright idea was to tow it down there by tying a rope to the back of my truck, a rope to the front of the mower, and have my wife SLOWLY pull me down there. It was only a quarter mile!

Understand that I had a very bad motorcycle accident in 1992 that severely damaged my left arm and hand. So before we even get to the end of the drive way, she is already in third gear. I am hanging on for dear life with my right hand and waving as best as I can for her to slow down with my left hand to no avail. She barely slowed down to turn onto the road out of our driveway.

I knew I was really in trouble when I heard her shift into fourth gear. As we neared her brother’s house, I was screaming at her to slow down. Well, she finally heard me, she not only slowed down; she stopped abruptly. In case you didn’t know, the clutch/brake on a riding mower is more clutch than brake.

The truck stops, I don’t. As I am nearing the rear of the truck, all I can think of is the letters M-A-Z-D-A, being stamped into my forehead as I slam into the tailgate. Fortunately, I found that I am a crack derby drive as I navigated to the left of the truck and missed the truck all together. Wow, what a stunt, I am awesome, oh shoot, the rope was only so long.

Unfortunately, the rope ran out and the mower got jerked completely out from underneath me. The mower stops, I kept going for about ten to fifteen feet in the air and land in the middle of our dirt road. I rolled about five times, stood to my feet and charged the truck with a fury that no bull could ever match. My wife is sitting in the truck with a look of deep fear on her face as she is feverishly rolling up the window and locking the door. I am standing at the driver’s door, yelling at my wife, “Open this door.” She is vehemently shaking her head as to say, “NO WAY!”

As I look toward my brother-in-law’s house, I can see three little faces in the windows, my nephews, with an “Oh no” look on their faces. The curtains close quickly and they retreat. I’m not sure what happened next, it is all a blur, but I do know that every time I have told this story, I laugh so hard. Even now as I am typing this up, I am laughing out loud.

So, I hope you have enjoyed some laughter at my expense, but if you can’t laugh at yourself then you need to lighten up. Until next time…